running, fighting, and a whisper

That weather outside…it makes me act strange. Or maybe I can’t blame the weather. Maybe it’s just really my heart.

That cold, windy, drizzly chill, it just makes me want to run. And today that’s what I did. Literally. I walked out the door of my friends’ cozy house to be greeted by an ice-cold wind in my face that made my hair fling around in all directions and I ran. I just ran down the dark street all the way to the car so I could shut out the cold with that slam of the door.

I sat there for a good minute or two without starting the car. It was so cold. As I sat there shivering and relieved to be out of the wind my mind did what it does often…swirl.

In my life I can feel it. There’s a biting-wind stirring all around me, and all I want to do is run. I want to give up easily and just let those winds blow. I want to curl up in my Grandmother’s afghan and feel the calm. But that’s not who I am called to be. I’m not called to be a runner or to be afraid. I’m called to be a fearless fighter and I’m called to brave the cold.

My circumstances may be ice-cold but they aren’t going to take me out. The end results of what I’m walking through will never uproot the most important thing in my life.

The most important thing in my life is already set, sealed and bound by blood-covenant.

I belong to Someone who sees, knows and loves me and is never going to leave me. I belong to someone who protects, defends and surrounds me on all sides and He rises up and fights for me when I can’t fight for myself.

And when I can fight for myself but just don’t know it He whispers in my ear that I am strong and that one whisper gives me all the courage in the world and I run. I run again. I run head-on into my obstacles because of that whisper and I overcome them almost effortlessly.

I’m worried. Not all the time. Not even half or a quarter of the time. But there are those times.  When the fact that my circumstances are looking untrustworthy outweighs the fact that I walk by faith, and I just worry.

But then that whisper.

That whisper comes and I remember the truth that circumstances are untrustworthy because I was never supposed to trust in circumstances.

So when I find out where all this is going, when I hear the news, when I have that meeting, when I have that talk,…..whatever comes of these scenarios playing out in my life right now, they won’t move me. They may stir me and they may shake me…

but they can’t move me.

A line from one of the songs that was written one night under the stars when we were interns won’t leave my head. “I’m near you forever, nothing’s gonna move me” It’s already done.

He has already taken us in, known us, loved us, marked us, and sealed it all by blood.

Nothing’s gonna move me.

When all I want to do is think of the outcome of everything swirling in my life right now and just run, and curl up and cower and hide, …..He rises up within me and does what I could never do myself.

With Him I am conquering fears, climbing over mountains, scaling walls and slaying giants.

“If God be for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

Sometimes those 10 words need to be read, repeated, written on your hand, on your mirror, on your steering wheel, on the fridge, on your notebook, and on your forehead so they will begin to get louder than all the other words.

“If God be for us, who can be against us?”

Today I am saying it until it keeps me sane in the middle of all this chaos. I’m saying it until it becomes the loudest thing I hear. I’m saying those words, that truth until it washes away every other voice shouting at me.

“If God is for me, who can be against me?”

God is for me.

God is for me.

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