I always feel the tug.
I feel it no matter how torn my heart is in a million different directions, how crazy the distractions are, how foggy and distant I seem to be from Him, how out of reach of my First Love, the Prize of my Life, My Treasure….I feel the tug.
This tug on my heartstrings. It’s constantly, subtly, always pulling me and drawing me in.
I felt that tug when Love first laid His hand on me. I felt the fire of love on my heart and on my head and all around me. He was calling me out in that moment, I could feel His eyes on me. Though there were many people in the room, it felt as though I was the only one and God’s eyes were locked on me. And then He told me to dance. “I cleared space for you to dance with me.” …..
I felt the tug at 2:30 am on a greyhound bus, staring out my window at the full moon, as “Light of Your Face” played in my headphones and the miles of highway flew by us.
I felt the tug sitting at a picnic table late at night, outside the cabin we were staying in, gazing up at the trees above me against the starry sky.
I felt the tug as I ran around barefoot in a dress inside the atrium of a magnificent resort, as He kept telling me over and over “You’re beautiful” ….and I truly FELT beautiful.
I felt the tug at 6 in the morning as tears fell down my face because love was overwhelming and He whispered “go look out the window” and I ran to look and then just as soon ran down the stairs and out the door where I sat outside my new apartment in Kansas City, on the cold concrete, watching the most magnificent sunrise my eyes had ever seen. ‘Come away…”
I felt the tug in the car with friends early in the morning as I looked out at the hills and highways and for the first time felt the ache in my heart as I realized Jesus isn’t here on earth and we don’t get to be with Him yet…..”I miss you…” “The sunrise does prophesy of my Beloved’s return”
I felt the tug in my bedroom at 1:20 in the morning as I awoke suddenly and heard nothing but silence……and sat down to the piano when He said “Don’t play”…and as I waited there, in the silence, the COMPLETE quiet, no music, no voices in the distance, no cars on the road, no crickets or birds, NOTHING…..I finally realized: “I can hear. I can HEAR.”
I felt the tug walking down a hill into a park, wearing my running clothes and shoes, as I rounded the corner and saw the most beautiful thing….the sunlight was hitting the leaves on the many tall trees above me JUST right, and it looked like dancing glitter as the wind blew them in all directions
…IT MADE ME CRY. I cried because that showed me HIS HEART. The simplest thing, something that even might seem silly, spoke VOLUMES of who God is, that He made those trees and the leaves that grace their branches, and the sunlight that shined on them, and the wind that blew them, and made my path cross underneath, just because He knew I would find it so beautiful, because He loves to speak my heart language. He loves like that. Individually. He speaks to each heart in the way that most moves them. Because He sees. Because He truly sees and He cares.
I will live the rest of my life feeling that tug..the tug that says “Come closer. Draw near to Me. Come up higher. Fall more in love with Me….”
I will feel it every day and maybe at the end of my life I will find that each time I felt that tug and responded to it, that it was really God with a long rope tied to my heart and He was just pulling and pulling that rope closer and closer with each whisper…..