Tonight looks like rain. Steady, pouring, giving-life-to-the-earth rain.
Tonight looks like a T-shirt and yoga pants, socks and a messy bun, curled up with a steaming cup of vanilla-chamomile tea.
And I’m reminded of how good it feels to just breathe.
As I recollect, I realize that so many moments in my day-to-day living are flurries of busy-ness, running around and taking care of things, attending to needs (mine and others) and neccessary duties. A lot of times these things combined in any given moment can be purely overwhelming.
These moments can be so full of pressure that I feel anxious as I go about, as stress levels mount and I feel my heart shift from peacefully abiding in the love of Jesus to frantically rummaging for my sense of control as I grip these neccessary duties.
In those moments, when I’m running around, or even being physically still but mentally running around, my heart is with the King but it feels like everything else is separated.
Feeling the stress of life, money, bills, duties, meetings, assignments, and somehow managing to remember the important things like getting sleep, eating and taking care of myself feels like walls caving in around me and squeezing closer and closer to my heart with each day that goes by.
paying the bills.
doing my hair.
running errands and getting groceries.
cleaning the kitchen.
going to the bank.
scrolling through pinterest.
laughing with my roommates.
going to prayer meetings.
talking on the phone with my family back home.
[What does it matter if I’m busy with good things, but my love is fading?
Teach me how to abide in You. Teach me how to bear much fruit.]
We all have been given the same amount of hours in each day. The way we spend those hours is all in our hands. We get to choose.
“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
“Teach us to keep account of our days so we may develop inner wisdom.” (ISV)
Keeping account of our days is something we don’t think about much. But the art of spending our time wisely is one of the greatest and most beautiful things we will ever learn in our lives.
There’s a rest in the fight. There’s a place of abiding in the vine.
Abiding in the vine (John 15) means we can walk through our daily lives, doing the work set before us, carrying out our neccessary duties and being busy, but through it all our hearts are peacefully at rest in the fellowship of the Lord.
I can be so busy I barely have time to think. But I can do it being anxious, or I can do it in complete peace. It’s all about where my heart is.
If I find I’m losing sight of why and where,
it’s time to take a step back . . .
If I don’t remember why I’m doing all these things, it’s time.
If I don’t remember where I’m going with all this, it’s time.
The whole reason I even set foot on this journey is because of HIM. It’s Jesus. He’s the reason I’m even on this path. If I remember all the things on my list but don’t remember the last word He spoke to me, it’s time to lay it down and run back into the quiet.
I can do a million things in a given day, in my allotted time. I can take care of business. I can get stuff done . . . but if I don’t have His presence with me or His blessing on those things, it’s time to throw it all aside and run to the mountains and cry out “teach me. teach me to number my days. teach me to spend my time wisely. teach me wisdom’s way. make me a lover. teach me how to abide.”
Time is short. We will all give account to God of how we spent the time we were given. I want to be wise.
This is what I hear when I quiet my heart:
Slow. Slow down. Calm, peace, rest. Breathe. Inhale, exhale. Abide. Remember. Remember why, remember where, remember what, and remember Who. Why you’re doing this. Where it’s all going. What it’s unto. And Who. Remember Who.
Life means so much.
Life is not an emergency.
Life. means. so. much.
“Spare time is pleasant. You can hardly find a better use for it than by renewing your strength through inward fellowship with God. …Those who know the Lord well cannot resist turning to Him in every available moment.” -Fenelon