So I’m just rollin along, living the life that’s been set in front of me, thinking how different “actual” life is from the life I always pictured. That’s how it always works, isn’t it?
Just to be honest, back when I was 16 or so, I expected right now to be married, maybe even with a kid on the way, and in some amazing ministry surrounded by people who are all going crazy places for the Lord and doing life together.
I’ve watched as all the kids who were in school with me, or in this or that program with me, have been matched up with their life partners, though we all started out single and hopeful together. I’ve seen it happen many times, and sometimes it feels like everyone but me has a match.
My life looks nothing like what I expected. Right now, I’m living with a bunch of roommates, working a part-time job, visiting foster children, going to the prayer room, and trying to be faithful in the mundane.
We all have expectations and pictures in our minds of what we think life will look like.
What are we supposed to do with unfulfilled dreams?
Where do we take unmet expectations?
What do we do with disappointment?
…..To the Sovereignty of God.
I find that it’s all about perspective. I can sit and be sad and disappointed that my life isn’t what I wanted, or I can be amazed that my life has been so graced with beauty, joy, blessing, gifts. Yes, it’s true that life isn’t what I thought it would be, but WHAT I HAVE IS WHAT I HAVE.
I would rather live in reality than fantasy.
I would rather be okay with actual life than in love with fantasy life.
It’s because I want what’s real.
If I see with the right eyes, I become amazed that I have what I have. I become wide-eyed thankful that I’ve been given more than I could ever ask for.
There’s some things I want that I don’t have. But I am not entitled to have all that I want. I am not entitled to the life of my dreams. God does not owe me this blessing, or that blessing, or this gift, or that gift.
He has given so many blessings and so many gifts that He didn’t have to give me.
Everything changes when you realize that everything in your life is grace.
My job? It’s grace.
My car? Grace
My family? GRACE.
My friends? Grace.
My house? Grace.
My money? Grace
My occupations? Grace
The beauty of the ocean? Sky? Hills? Trees? Mountians?….We live here in this beautiful earth because of grace.
Just thinking about that alone makes me so thankful to the Lord.
He made our home beautiful. We are beautiful people that were made for a beautiful place.
This is what God chose and designed.
Isn’t it amazing?
The countless little things that make me smile every hour of every day? They’re GRACE.
This 90’s song from my childhood came into my head today. And I’m amazed at how these lyrics mean so much to me right now.
“God is God
and I am not
I can only see a part
of the picture He’s painting
God is God,
and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God
Can I form a single mountain?
Take the stars in heaven and count them?
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me?
He is first and last
before all that has been, beyond all that will pass
Oh how great are the riches
Of His wisdom and knowledge
For to him and through him
and from him are all things
So let us worship before the throne
of the one who is worthy of worship alone”
I’ve stopped trying to understand everything, and started to look up. Because when I look up, all I see is God is Sovereign.
He really does know what He’s doing.
He really does love me.
Uncertainty, doubt, fear, not-knowing….these are all nothing compared to my Father’s love for me.
A healthy dose of the fear of the LORD is all that is needed to remedy the disappointment of life not looking like we thought it would. HE IS SOVEREIGN. Great is the LORD, He is Holy.
Who has known the mind of the Lord, or instructed Him as His counselor? Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge, or showed him the path of understanding?(Isaiah 40:13,14)