Remember those moments in your childhood when you asked mom or dad for something, and the answer you got was “Not yet”? What were the emotions upon hearing that response? Anxious, restless, upset.
Maybe if you’re like me, you wondered how in the world you were ever going to make it until that piece of candy or special new toy you so desired was actually yours. In those moments, everything becomes dramatic, and on the inside, and maybe the outside too, you are crying out in agony because you know that this answer requires 2 things that you do not have:
2. The willingness to bear uncertainty.
As a child, “not yet” might as well mean “never” because of the endless eternity that your young, immature eyes see before you.
Children are usually incapable of seeing the big picture. They only see the here and now, and what is happening in the here and now is all there is. It’s very hard for a child to see past the moment. We all know this.
Sometimes I feel that at 23 I am still that child who, when given the answer “not yet” went crazy asking questions or whining or thinking the entire world was ending because I just could not bear the waiting I would have to endure to receive what I asked for, and worse, the uncertainty of how long that wait would be.
I feel these days like I’m constantly in a tension of the now and the not yet. There are so many things that I know are coming, but they’re just not coming… YET. What is it about this tension that causes me so much anxiety and even fear?
It’s the uncertainty. It’s the not knowing for sure until you are standing in the place that was invisible until now, until this moment. Uncertainty kills me. It’s something I can’t stand. Why is that?
Because I want to be in control. I want to know where my life is going, and what the plan is. It’s those moments when the friction of the “not yet” is rubbing my heart the wrong way and I just have to realize that I am not in control, nor will I ever be.
Reality is that no one truly knows what the plan is. No one knows what’s going to happen in their life. It’s something that God, the all-powerful, all-knowing, infinitely-wise Overseer of our souls and our paths, has hidden from us. We cannot be certain of anything except His great love for us.
Why has he blinded our eyes from seeing the future? Why has He hidden “the plan” or sometimes even the next 10 feet in front of us, so that all we can see is the moment we are in right now?
…He wants us dependent.
That is the beauty of “not yet”.
The Lord desires that we be in the place of total 100% dependency on Him, because it is only from this place that we can be of use for the calling He has for us.
When we come to the understanding and acceptance that we are not in control – we are not the ones behind the wheel of our lives, we are not the ones upon which our future rests – but that Someone else is, we have become dependent.
We lean upon Him, because we can do nothing in our own strength. It’s in this place that His strength is made perfect. Before we know it, we find ourselves caught up in purposes too wonderful for our finite minds to comprehend. It’s the faithfulness of God. We did nothing to get ourselves there; He did it all.
And that is exactly how He wants it.
It’s certainly been a process, and I am nowhere near “there” yet. But now, when I find myself in those moments – when I get caught in the intensity of the tension of “not yet” and start to get restless or anxious because of the discomfort of it all – I find that something in me has changed and somehow I am able to take “not yet” and respond back with “yes.” And in my heart there’s a lot less anxiety and a whole lot more peace. Because I know He loves me.
When I am waiting on God to bring a man and I together, or to bring me into my ministry, or to bring me to the place I’ve dreamed with adoption and the children who were always meant to be mine but are still waiting for a family, there’s something He’s doing in my heart in the meantime that I cannot miss.
I don’t want to waste the growing and expanding of my heart and the trust and dependency on Him that He’s building in me as I’m in the in-between of the “not yet”.
I don’t want to waste this opportunity to love Him, and to grow.
May we all choose to say yes to the uncertainty and yes to His work in us. Let everything in our lives cause our hearts to love Him more.
He is faithful!