It’s one of my biggest struggles.
These days, I’ve been asking a question.
To the Lord.
How do you see fear? I want to see that way.
Let me not give in to the temptation to look at worry and fear as okay because I’m a woman. Or okay because it’s not murder or pornography. Or okay because “we’re all broken”. Let me deal violently with fear. Let me deal violently with ‘You’re not going to come through for me. You aren’t good. You aren’t going to be faithful.’
Lord, let me violently attack anything that attacks Your character.
There’s temptation to embrace the weakness of fear and worry and doubt, and think of it as a “good sin” because we are good people with good hearts and we love Him, and we worry about the future but it’s part of who we are and we are women and we are made to do so, and this sin of worry isn’t bad, because we like to be in control and our drivenness is a good thing. We like to know what’s going to happen so we can plan and prepare and that’s a good thing. So our fear and worry and doubt is overlooked because we are good people with good hearts.
I hate this mindset. I’m only just now coming to the realization that this mindset is wrong. It’s wrong to accept worry and fear as good because we have good hearts and we want to be in control and know things because we’re women. It’s totally wrong.
Fear, worry and doubt are not okay no matter what circumstances I’m in. They are sin. They look just the same to God as any other sin. They de-throne Him in the heart. They make Him small and they make self big. They put God in a corner in the mind and attempt to take over His job, His leadership. They are idols.
It is idolatry to assume that I should be god over my own life.
It exalts ME.
What is the opposite of fear?
To the degree that I fear, to that degree my faith is lacking.
The Lord says, “Where is your faith?”
What combats fear and bolsters faith? Feeding on His faithfulness.
Early this morning as I sat on my bed in prayer, I remembered.
I remembered every time the Lord had given me a desire for something, and I had prayed for it and cried out to Him to fulfill what He promised, and He did it. Every time. I recalled to mind His faithfulness, specifically, one by one and I spoke it back to Him:
“Lord, I remember at 16 when I needed a piano because You had gifted me and put songs in me, and you gave me one. Lord, I remember when I knew I HAD to be in Nashville for the Call on 7-7-07 with no way to get there, and You shifted my entire youth group to be there. I remember when You spoke to me about Haiti and about Africa, and how 4 years later I had been to both of those places and had an inheritance there because of my prayers for those countries. I remember when you put IHOP on my heart and called me to go there, and how you took me through 2 years of waiting, uncertainty and a fog of confusion and many tears to finally be there, and how sweet it was when I got there. I remember when You took me by the hand to Africa, even though my heart was trembling in fear of being alone and with fear of the future, and took me all the way through the cloud of unknowing and the cloud of darkness to the light at the end. I remember when all I desired was to be back in Missouri because my heart felt like home there, and how You led me through months of waiting and so much uncertainty to finally be ‘back home’. I remember the first year of being ‘home’ full of tears because of disappointed expectations, and so much misunderstanding, wondering why I even came back here, and wondering if I even could hear Your voice, and You led me to a place of abundance and my tears were no longer because of disappointment, but wonder, amazement and joy.”
As I spoke all these things back to God, these memories of His faithfulness, I felt my faith rising. Look at God’s track record. Look at His nature and His character. How can I doubt He will be good when I look back and all I see is faithfulness? On a larger scale, look at His faithfulness to the world, to humanity, to Israel, to the earth. Look at His track-record there. WOW.
Let fear shrink smaller and smaller, and let faith grow larger and larger until perfect love casts out ALL fear – every trace of it – and I am dependent and trusting and full of peace because I know my God is always faithful. He always comes through for me. He will never leave me hanging, and hope does not disappoint.
Those who wait on the Lord will never be put to shame.
Recalling the Lord’s faithfulness is a violent attack on everything that attacks God’s character.
Let faith arise today.