I’m heartbroken. I feel the sadness of this heartache pierce me nearly every day. I’m heartbroken…but I’m also angry.
This place I call home – this place I live in and work in and grow older in – it’s broken. I’m living in a broken home. It’s cold. It’s dark. The earth seems to be reeling under the heaviness of the darkness that covers it. It seems as though winter will never be over. It seems as though there are no real answers. It seems as though the weeping caused by all the suffering is where it all ends.
As though the last page of the last chapter closes on dark.
“Well, it’s just life,” they say, “this is just the way it is. People go through terrible things because of other people’s choices.” But that doesn’t fix the problem – the problem of suffering. Of unspeakable heartache. Of injustice.
Just knowing that “these things happen” – is not enough. It may be true – but it’s not enough.
I’m angry that innocent people die every day. I’m angry that in any one moment, anyone can make a stupid decision, and countless people will suffer because of it. I’m angry that humans are powerful and lots of them use that power to bring pain. I’m angry that children are being abused every single day. Children – the ones who need the guidance and love and care of those of us who have gone before and can point the way – are treated like trash by the very ones in the position to love them with the most influence. I’m angry that people of every age are lied to, taken advantage of, gossiped about with intent to bring pain, stolen from, abused, killed.
People. With hearts. With feelings. With desires and dreams and likes and dislikes. Just like you. People who didn’t ask to be born – but were born. People who didn’t ask to exist – but exist. People who didn’t ask for their color of skin or to grow up where or how they grew up, but did.
Sometimes, I’m more than angry. I feel rage. I feel hatred. I feel violence. I’m very tempted to direct these emotions toward the people who cause these things.
Some would argue that these emotions are not good. It’s not good to hate, we are called to love. Violence is never the answer.
Well, I beg to differ.
When I am able to really see the truth that we fight not against flesh and blood (the hearts of sick humans) but rather the principalities and powers of darkness that come to make their home in the hearts of humans, then all of the emotions I feel are justified when directed towards the true enemy – darkness.
I hate darkness.
I hate the enemy. I have no cozy comfortable friendship with him – not even a hint. I am 110% against him and everything he stands for.
And I’m not afraid of him.I know that the powers of darkness are real. Principalities and powers and demons are real. The enemy is real, and he’s not some bad-guy in-a-movie. He’s the very spirit that caused Jesus Christ to be murdered in the most brutal way ever known to man. He is not to be laughed off as “that bad-guy”. He is real.
Because my eyes have been opened to see God for who He truly is, I also have open eyes to see the enemy for who he truly is. And because I have an ever-growing, accurate perspective of light and darkness, I know that both God and the enemy take me seriously.
At 21 years old, I woke up one morning to hear these words as clear as day: “I hate you and everything you stand for.”
Just like that. The tone was pure hatred. Anger, even. It was the voice of my enemy.
I am well aware of who I am. I am a child of God and darkness has no hold on me. I am redeemed and washed in the blood of Christ. I am a threat to all darkness because of the light that I carry. The spirit that has been deposited into me threatens to drive out darkness wherever it goes.
So I am well aware that I have a real enemy of my soul who hates me and everything I stand for.
But those words I heard that morning as I awoke, did not make me falter in the least. I felt no negative emotion. The words did not effect me. It’s because my identity was rock-solid in Christ. I know whose side I am on, and I know that He wins.
Sometimes, though, my heart just cannot handle any more darkness.
My insides are screaming and I feel as if I could literally run toward an oppressor and fight them with my bare hands. I just want to run straight to the one who is down on the ground being beaten by the enemy. I want to scream, “STOP!” STOP IT!” I want to throw that enemy off of them, pick them up, and love them until they heal. I want to do away with that enemy forever and ever, in the most just way possible.
Sometimes I feel like justice is never coming.
I think so many people are hopeless. They have no hope for what they’ve gone through ever being justified. They really don’t believe that any justice will come.
Oh, but listen.
Justice is coming, dear one.
How do I know?
Because He said.
He – the God who never lies. When He says something, it. will. happen.
One day, that little child who died because someone stole his life from him, that 13-year-old whose father beat him for so many years, that woman whose heart was ripped in two because her child went missing and the uncertainty of what happened to her leaves a gaping hole in her for the rest of her life, that refugee family who lost everything trying to cross over, that husband who watched his wife suffer for years and lost her to terminal cancer, that baby girl whose dad ran away and whose mother threw her into an orphanage where she was neglected and malnourished for years, that young man whose daddy exposed him to pornography before he was old enough to drive and whose life has been stolen from the anguish and shame of sexual addiction, that girl who wanted a better life for her family and thought she was getting a great job but was actually lied to and lured into a life of slavery, that little child who is terrified because mommy and daddy are always yelling at each other and his life is falling apart, that young person who is deeply struggling inside but doesn’t want anyone to find out their secret, that homeless man who believes he is as worthless as that soda can he just kicked away…
…one day, all of it will be made right.
One day, all of them will get their justice.
One day, each of their oppressors will flee at the sound of the Just and True. The King will come, and He will make war on every enemy. He will forever finish off darkness, death, heartache, pain. He will condemn death to death.
Even death will die.
“He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken.” Is. 25:8
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Rev. 21:4-5
This is the greatest hope the world could ever imagine.
Can you feel the hope? Can you feel how incredible these promises are? Can your heart feel the thrill of what it is one day going to be like to see with our own eyes what we’ve had faith for and cried out for?
Can you imagine faith becoming reality?
Get ready. Because it’s going to.