the first month of marriage: 17 things i’ve learned

  1. Netflix TV series are a world of their own and become a way to relax on weeknights. I have been converted over to this world where in my previous life I watched only the occasional movie. Lesson: Adapt to a new routine. It’s quite enjoyable.
  2. Leisurely weekend breakfasts are the perfect time to engage in theology and/or history debates for 4 hours until one of you becomes so deeply passionate about the topic that the other starts laughing at your hand movements and/or your face, and you become slightly embarrassed. Lesson: Your spouse will always love you, no matter what. You can bare your soul to them without fear.
  3. Pre-married date nights likely consist of some sort of variation of the following: a nice dinner, a movie or concert, or hanging out at parks. Married date nights consist of going grocery shopping together, then coming home and watching the Netflix series. Both are equally great dates. Lesson: Doing life with the one you love is awesome.
  4. If there is a speed limit, my husband has never and will never drive any speed less than at least 10 over that limit. Lesson: Our children will tip the scales with their heavy feet. The lead foot trait is dominant, not recessive.
  5. If my husband happens to envision a home project at a random time, he must. do it. right this second. and we will drop everything we are doing and race through the aisles of Home Depot for materials. We will come home, and in a matter of about 3 hours, a previously non-existent piece of furniture will appear in a room of our home. Lesson: Show your support and help make your spouse’s visions a reality at the drop of a hat.
  6. It’s perfectly acceptable to have separate toothpaste and holders, although you both have the exact same toothpaste. Lesson: Who says you have to be conventional? You don’t. Every marriage is unique.
  7. Marriage is the perfect opportunity to marry your coffee and tea drinking habits. My husband is obsessed with coffee to the same degree that I am obsessed with tea. Last week I took my husband to a health food store with me on our date night just to stand in the tea aisle for a good 30 minutes. He waited patiently with me, then disappeared. When he came back, I was holding about 8 tins and boxes as one fell to the aisle floor and I mentioned “I’m just going to pick out a few.” He started laughing while murmuring under his breath how I already had 3 drawers full of different teas at home. And yet, he has started drinking tea every night, while I have slowly begun to drink coffee in the mornings. Also, I find it interesting that my husband has become fond of making tea in a French Press. Lesson: Your spouse will broaden your horizons and cause you to expand your life, and you will do the same for your spouse. It’s really a great thing.
  8. Because you both lead reasonably busy lives, all of your greatest aspirations to sit on the couch together and read after a long day of work will probably not be reached simply because of the fact that you will both fall asleep in a matter of seconds. Lesson: Intentionality counts for something. Also, try to get sleep.
  9. If a man after supper reassures you that he was “only a little hungry”, so it’s ok that the dinner you cooked for the two of you is all gone, he is probably lying and will courteously wait an hour or so before making himself sandwiches as a “snack”. Lesson: A man now lives with you who has an appetite slightly larger than yours. Learn to cook larger portions.
  10. If a man begins to feel slightly under the weather, his behavior will convince you that he is dying and you will become so concerned that he is literally about to pass from this life that you will sit at his side watching his every movement >this close< to carrying him to the car and driving to the emergency room ASAP. Lesson: Treat your man like a baby when he feels sick, because he feels like one.
  11. Most husbands will not notice if you just painted your toenails. They probably won’t even notice if you’re still rocking the pedicure from your wedding that’s been slowly chipping away for a few weeks. Lesson: Men are usually not as detail-oriented and sometimes miss small details. Who cares if your toenails aren’t painted? You. You do. So paint them, girl.
  12. If you have 4 different black dresses, your husband will think you only have one. And when he asks you to wear it, it doesn’t matter which one of the four you put on, he will think it is “that black dress” no matter how different the dresses are. Lesson: The dress is power.
  13. You may find that one spouse is a bed-maker, while the other is more of the messy-bed type. If this is the case, you may be surprised when you, as the bed-maker, leave in the morning before your spouse wakes up, and come home to find the bed perfectly made, when you know your spouse is not of the bed-making type. You will question your spouse about this, and he will respond, “I made the bed because whenever I came home it was always made, so I thought you wanted it that way. And I don’t want you to be annoyed living with me.” This response will melt you in a way that few things will. Lesson: Go out of your way to do the little things your spouse cares about, because you care about your spouse.
  14. You will both have an understanding that Saturday is your date day/night, however when Saturday comes, 90% of that time will be spent figuring out what you are going to do while only 10% spent actually having the date. Surprisingly, this doesn’t actually bother you because simply spending time with your spouse is a date in your book. Lesson: Being together is just fun.
  15. When your spouse’s alarm goes off in the morning, you will always wake up too. You will go back to sleep, and succumb to however many times your spouse decides to hit snooze. You may wake up twice, or 5 times, or 10 times, who knows? Eventually you resign yourself to the fact that this is a part of life now and tell yourself that it will be mild preparation for the constant broken sleep of parenthood. Lesson: Find your new normal and adjust quickly.
  16. Sometimes, from bed you’ll catch sight of your husband in the kitchen making coffee. Or, through the crack in the door, you’ll catch him shaving at the bathroom sink. Or, while you snack at the table, you’ll catch him asleep on the couch, and each one of these little moments will make you realize how much of a gift it is to share life with your best friend. Having the knowledge that the person you love most is never going to leave your side brings peace like nothing else. Lesson: The moments. Just. The moments. Soak them up.
  17. You will find your heart swelling with gratitude every day, thankful that such a thing as marriage exists and you were given the gift. Lesson: Get married.

***Happy Month-Aversary, babe. Cheers and kisses for one month down! You’re the best husband I ever could have asked for. xoxoxo***

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