Ladies, I want to share with you something that many people never realize.
Do you want a solid and steady relationship that will last through all the ups and downs of life, a man who will never leave you, a husband who will never break his commitment with you?
Then the number one thing you should be looking for in a man – is faithfulness.
Once you learn what real, genuine, faithfulness actually is, you’ll see that it’s actually very evident whether a man has it, or not.
But faithfulness is boring and overlooked.
And yet, it’s also essential. It’s essential if you want a solid marriage.
Let’s take a look at why.
Faithfulness is Boring
It’s not flashy, exciting, or attention grabbing. Faithfulness won’t turn heads. It’s quiet, secretive, hidden, mundane. It’s day in, and day out – rarely noticed.
How many times have you heard someone say they aspire to be a faithful person?
People don’t typically think of faithfulness when they think of success, joy, reaching goals, or making it to the top.
On the contrary, even the word “faithfulness” seems outdated and old-fashioned. The word evokes images of an old man who has lived a quiet life, perhaps a farmer or a pastor of a small church on a hill in a small town.
Faithfulness doesn’t seem very fun or enjoyable – it just seems kind of boring.
Faithfulness is Overlooked
Ask any young woman who aspires to get married what qualities she is looking for in a husband, and faithfulness is a rare find on the list.
If a man is attractive, kind, smart, confident, talented, funny, and shows interest, the quality of faithfulness is likely to be forgotten in the light of these much more noticeable and alluring ones.
One has to intentionally seek out and look for faithfulness to see it in a man’s life. But once you know what you’re looking for, it is very easy to spot. More on that in a bit.
Faithfulness is Essential
Let me tell you why you want a faithful man.
You can be married to the most loving, caring, attractive, confident, interesting, hilarious, wise man in the world.
But life is going to happen.
A terminal diagnosis may be given. Loved ones may leave this earth much sooner than they should. Job layoffs may happen. Finances may be tight. Babies may get sick. Kids may never come. Friends may walk away. Car accidents may change everything. People may attack your character, reputation, life.
And the one quality in the heart of a man that can weather storms like those? Faithfulness.
If you are married to a faithful man, he’s not going to jump ship in those times. He’s not going to walk out. He’s not going to decide it’s not worth it to be married anymore.
A faithful man will stay. He will pull you in close. Instead of shutting you out, he’ll draw near. He’ll hug you tighter. He’ll hold on stronger.
Faithfulness can handle the storms of life. The other qualities, though very good and necessary and important, may or may not. Faithfulness is steady, strong, and immovable. It can be counted on.
But let’s look at another, less serious perspective.
Let me tell you why you want a faithful man, take 2.
Life is going to happen.
Weekdays will be long, and the work will get monotonous and mundane. Day in and day out, the same thing, all day. Jobs may even get difficult, stressful, awful. There will definitely be times when they are… boring.
Bills will keep coming – the same ones, for the same things, and bigger ones for bigger things. Automatic payments will hit at the worst, most inconvenient times. Nothing about paying bills and expenses is fun, exciting, or enjoyable. It’s always a hassle. It’s always…boring.
Weeknights will look the same. A drive home from work, tired from long days, hungry, but still so much to do. A rush to get other tasks done. Dinner, an attempt to relax with TV, bed. Nothing much will change from evening to evening. It may even start to seem…boring.
Chores will need to be done. The trash won’t take itself out. The dishes won’t leap out of the sink, clean themselves, and put themselves away. The laundry won’t wash or fold itself. The floors won’t vacuum, sweep, mop themselves. The piles of stuff will continue to sit where you leave them. The tasks will be…boring.
Most of life, I would say 80% of it, give or take – is actually pretty boring.
We know this. We know that all of our lives we’ve been doing things that are repetitive and monotonous. From the time we were children, we find out that most of the stuff we have to do in life – school, work, chores, schedules – is long, tiring, and not fun.
How many times have we uttered the words, I’m so sick of school right now. I don’t want to go to work today. I hate doing laundry.
Yet most of our hours are spent doing the things we don’t particularly like. We live our days going through the motions, clinging to the next thing we’re looking forward to that will end a long cycle of boring days – like a vacation, a break, a trip, a change, even a weekend.
Why do I bring up all of this?
Because many people have a habit of jumping ship when something in life is boring, tedious, or difficult.
You Need a Man Who Sticks With It
You want a man who will stick with his job when it’s hard, because he’s got his eyes on a greater goal up ahead. He’s not looking at just today – how hard the work is and how much he hates going – he’s looking at the big picture. He’s going to keep waking up and driving to work every morning, because he’s doing it unto something. Whether that something be paying the bills, keeping money in the accounts, or working toward a promotion. He’s not going to quit the moment he doesn’t like the job.
You want a man who will stick with a church or group of people when it gets hard, because he hasn’t yet felt released to leave or call it quits. He’s not looking at just today – the mess of relationships that inevitably happen when people get together, or how he’s sick of doing the same thing week after week – he’s looking ahead toward a solid group of close knit friends who become family. He’s going to keep driving to that church or that small group, because he’s doing it unto something. He’s listening, waiting, obeying God’s voice for when to stay and when to go. He’s not going to quit the moment things aren’t 100% easy and carefree, because he knows community is worth it, but it takes hard work.
You want a man who will stick with you when it’s hard, because he’s focused on a strong marriage. He’s not looking at just today – how marriage isn’t as thrilling and fun as we all thought it would be at 16, or how difficult it is when you don’t see eye-to-eye – he’s looking at 30 years down the road, when you’re in your 60’s, holding hands on the porch swing, or dancing at your anniversary party. He’s going to keep the conversation going, keep pursing you and your heart and communication, and keep digging deeper, because he wants to grow those roots into a strong oak tree. He’s not going to quit when you hit a rough patch in the relationship.
Friends, faithfulness is essential. Not just for the storms of life, but for the mundane, day-to-day living that life is.
How You Can Tell if He’s Faithful
Look at whether he sticks with it – with small things. Look at his track record of starting and finishing things. Look at how long he has been at school, his job, etc. Look at whether he jumps around a lot in life – to different things. Look at how he completes a task. Look at how long he stays in one place. Look at how many relationships he’s been in – and how long those have lasted. Look at his commitments. Look at his complaints – and what he does after he complains.
It’s actually very obvious if a man has faithfulness.
Sometimes I’m amazed at how women overlook this. Some women will not think twice about getting involved with a man who shows a track record of major unfaithfulness and actual flakiness, because he’s attractive, interested, confident, smart, maybe even kind and caring. They have no problem with how he has quit and gotten 5 different jobs in the last 2 years. They have no problem with how he immediately drops something that isn’t working out for him, or how he never does anything he doesn’t want to do – because they think it’s confident and he knows exactly what he wants, and that’s attractive.
If you hear nothing else from my words, please hear this: Confidence and knowing what you want in life, and never doing hard things, are not the same thing.
You want a man who knows how to do hard things. Doing hard things is good. It builds character. It strengthens resolve. It proves that you are the kind of person who can handle difficulty. It shows your strength. It shows that you don’t let difficult things get the best of you, but that you take them head on and conquer them.
Please don’t mistake a man who never does anything he doesn’t like for a steadfast man. Don’t see him as someone who is faithful. He may know what he wants, but he doesn’t know how to do hard things. And because of that, you won’t be able to count on him. You won’t have the assurance that he will stay.
The Real Measure of A Man
Many people have ways of measuring a man that are terribly immature and inaccurate.
But I’m here to say that the real measure of a man, is his faithfulness. It’s his heart.
The real test of the strength of a man, is not how confident he is, or how bold he is, or how “manly” he seems.
It’s the slow, steady, quiet faithfulness, the doing hard things even when it’s never appreciated, or even noticed, that is the real measure of a man’s strength.
Please marry a faithful man. You must start by looking for faithfulness as an essential quality in the men you date and become involved with.
A strong and solid marriage is one thing you will never regret, but you have to start building that foundation now. First, by making sure that you possess faithfulness in your own life, and then by seeking it out in a man.
Yes, it’s rare. Yes, it may take some digging to find a man like this. Yes, it may be hard to wait for this quality. But I guarantee you that you will not regret holding out for a faithful man.
To any men reading this, I hope you don’t take offense if you find in yourself a bit of unfaithfulness. But I do hope this inspires you to become the kind of man that the women who read this are looking for. It’s never too late to change. And to the faithful men who read this, thank you. I applaud you and honor you for doing boring things and sticking with hard things when no one even notices. And finally, for the faithful men who can’t seem to find a faithful woman, hold fast – your patience and steadfastness will pay off. Thank you, too.
“Many a man claim to have unfailing love. But a faithful man who can find?” Proverbs 20:6