It could be that phone call or text from a friend: “It’s all working out – I’m moving to _!” When you’ve been waiting and hoping for an opportunity like that for quite some time.
It could be when you’re scrolling social media and see that post: “WE’RE ENGAGED!!!” and you still aren’t in a relationship yet, or even close to being in one.
It could be when your spouse tells you of someone you both know that just found out they’re pregnant, when you’ve been secretly trying for months, even years.
It could be when you go out for coffee with a friend who excitedly tells you about where all she’s headed with her hobby or job or phase of life, and how she can’t wait till June when it all begins, and you’ve got nothing, absolutely nothing, remotely exciting to share with her. Because nothing like that is happening in your life.
It could be when the same person seems to receive these blessings one after another, and you’re still just stuck. How is that even fair?
We are all familiar with the pangs of jealousy these moments, and others, bring. Sometimes it’s more than jealousy. Sometimes it’s the pang of yet again being overlooked, passed over, forgotten. Sometimes it’s the pang of feeling left out, on the outside looking in. Sometimes it’s even the pang of anger, because we feel we deserve the blessing more than they did.
It’s gotten better with age, yet I still find that comparison is a default tendency in my life – and I think it’s the same for many of us. For some reason, it’s so natural to compare – everything from situations, to appearances, to belongings, to opportunities, and on and on…
Most of the things we compare as children are material. Why does she get to have a puppy? Why do they have a big nice house? Why does so-and-so’s mom let them do this, but I’m not allowed to?
Yet as adults, it’s much more subtle, and I would argue much more dangerous to the state of our hearts. The things we compare as adults are mostly non-tangible things.
For me personally, what I’ve struggled with comparing the most is where I am in life compared to where others my age are. The opportunities and blessings and successes they have, or seem to have, compared to mine.
Lately I have found a common theme when around other women as we share our hearts and anxieties and struggles. So many of us feel a pang in our hearts when we hear of or see another woman getting a blessing that we’re hoping for. Sometimes, we still feel that pang, even when we have the blessing ourselves.
Why do our hearts respond in this way?
I think we so often feel that split-second jolt in our hearts, because we really truly believe that her blessing means my curse.
Or maybe it’s not that intense – maybe we just believe that her blessing means none for me.
Her blessing means less for me.
Her blessing means she’s more loved, cared about, valued.
Her blessing means I’m not as worthy.
These are the things I’ve found over the years as I’ve asked God to search my own heart in regards to comparison, jealousy, and feeling overlooked. And I don’t doubt that many of my sisters would find these same things deep down too.
And friend, I want to expose the lies for what they are, and speak truth:
Her blessing has nothing to do with how much is available.
Her blessing has nothing to do with her worth.
Her blessing has nothing to do with you.
Your “lack” has nothing to do with how much is available.
Your “lack” has nothing to do with your worth.
Your “lack” has nothing to do with her.
There is always enough – more than enough. There is more than enough blessing to go around. There is a vast abundance for you, and her, and all of us.
I know it seems like she is getting blessing after blessing, after blessing. And I know you’re still stuck, wondering when your breakthrough will come.
How can there possibly be enough for all of us, when she’s feasting at the table and you aren’t getting even a crumb?
I know, friend, because I’ve been there. And it’s so, so hard.
Why does she keep getting blessed, and why does she never have to go through the waiting, the longing, the anxiety of it all? Why does she get that blessing, when I’ve been asking for the same thing for years and years?
You just can’t understand it, I know. And I don’t understand it either.
But friend, do this: Let go. Surrender your jealousy, your confusion, your anxiety, your bitterness. Surrender your desire, your longing, your pain.
Because when you do? Your heart will breathe again. You will start to feel hope rise up again. You will start to see that your “lack” is actually overflowing with God’s goodness, even when it feels like a dry and desolate valley. You’ll see every single little blessing, and you’ll find thankfulness welling up inside you. You’ll see His goodness where you never noticed it before.
How can I say all of this with confidence, when I don’t know your story, your pain, your heartbreak?
Because I know that God never changes. And what he will do for me, he will do for you. His character is gentle. His nature is good. His heart is kind.
I want to speak fresh life over you today:
Your cup runneth over.
Goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life.
Your life overflows with favor.
He delights to give you the desires of your heart.
Lack is not your portion. Neither is anxiety. Neither is hope deferred.
Abundance is your portion. Blessing is your portion. Hope restored is your portion.
I really want you to get this: You are not an orphan.
You don’t have to wonder if there’s any for you. You don’t have to beg for leftovers. You don’t have to live your life with the mentality of lack.
You receive, because that’s what children do. You open your hands and are satisfied with good things from your father, because that’s what families do. You are a valued, honored, and cherished daughter.
Your mentality should be a royal mentality, because that’s what you are. You are royalty. Your dad is the king of all kings. And that means you will never be left wanting.
Please kill comparison in your heart. Don’t allow it to have any foothold.
It will always take our eyes off of the goodness of our Father. It will always drag us down.
Comparison is not a fruit of the Spirit.
It’s a very easy way to waste away a life and miss out on every good thing.
So chin up, sister – hold your head high and remind yourself of who you are, and who God is.
Speak over yourself the words of truth and life:
I am not an orphan.
Goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life.
I am not left wanting.
She who seeks the Lord will lack no good thing.
I have everything I need.
My dad is the King.
There is enough for me.
He is good to me.
He is kind and gracious.
He overflows with love for me.
I am highly favored and blessed.
Abundance is my portion. Hope is my portion.
Keep speaking these things until they take root in your heart and start to drive out the anxiety and mentality of lack, or curse. Speak them over and over, even if you don’t yet feel them. Even if it’s hard to say them. Keep speaking them. Because they are truth.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. –Psalm 103:8
You open your hand, and satisfy the desires of every living thing. –Psalm 145:16